Over forty million books on members' bookshelves.

Random books from felius's library

Queen of Sorcery by David Eddings

Magic: How to Harness White Magic for Health, Wealth, Wisdom and Love by Carol Daniels

Billy by Pamela Stephenson

The lieutenant by Kate Grenville

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

A l'aventure : an introduction to French language and francophone cultures by Evelyne Charvier-Berman

Robot Adept by Piers Anthony

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Member: felius

CollectionsYour library (738), Wishlist (86), Currently reading (4), To read (14), Read but unowned (7), All collections (822)

Reviews55 reviews — see reviews

Tagsfiction (470), non-fiction (249), science fiction (142), fantasy (111), @wishlist (79), crime (74), australian authors (58), hardcover (56), humour (53), from tarsh (46) — see all tags

Cloudstag cloud, author cloud

GroupsAustralian LibraryThingers, Board for Extreme Thing Advances, Common Knowledge and WikiThing, Happy Heathens, Purely Programmers, Science Fiction Fans, Stalking Tim & Company, The Green Dragon

Favorite authorsIsaac Asimov, Jane Austen, Bill Bryson, Arthur C. Clarke, Greg Egan, Neil Gaiman, Ursula K. Le Guin, Michael Light, Thomas A. Limoncelli, Matthew Reilly, Alastair Reynolds, Neal Stephenson, J. R. R. Tolkien, Simon Winchester (Shared favorites)

Favorite bookstoresEllison Hawker Bookshop, Imperial Bookshop, The Hobart Bookshop, Tolhurst Downunder Bookshop

Other favoritesWilliamstown Literary Festival

About meI'm a sysadmin/programmer in Tasmania, Australia.

I'm LibraryThing's sysadmin, as of September 2007.

About my libraryThis library consists of all the books currently owned by my wife and I. The science fiction is nearly all mine, the crime fiction is nearly all hers. The fantasy is pretty evenly mixed, but as for the rest of it - who knows?

Update: Still a long way behind on adding books. New acquisitions tend to make it in ok, but I still need to make time to work through the older stuff.

Homepagehttp://johndalton.info

Also onFacebook, Flickr, ICQ, LinkedIn, Second Life ("Felius Shaftoe"), Slashdot, Technorati, Twitter

Real nameJohn Dalton

LocationTasmania, Australia

Emailjohndlibrarything.com

Account typepublic, lifetime

Connection NewsConnection News

URLs http://www.librarything.com/profile/felius (profile)
http://www.librarything.com/catalog/felius (library)

Common KnowledgeSeries (161), Awards (162), Characters (2362), Places (509)

Member sinceSep 14, 2005

Leave a comment

I have not been online for a couple of weeks and found when I went to add some books that instead of the almost 200 books I have entered since early May there is only one listed!

Normally I have got straight into the site without having to log on - today I was asked to log on - has this affected what I see in my account?

Suggestions as to how I get back to my entered books would be appreciated.

Thank you.
I have added all of my books to my Libruary but when I went into my libruary there was only 15 books not 300--400 books which there should be. What is my options as i did not delite my list but only a couple of dublicate books? Is my list lost or can It be found?

Is there a way to seperate my book by catagorise them like Rock books from my commentaries? That way I can look at my rock books with out looking at my other books.

Thank you,

Timpaul1@Sbcglobal.nry
John,
I'm getting that message again. The First chane that wanted to make went through, but now when I want to make another chane, it pops up
Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent in /var/www/html/groups_edit.php on line 509

This is the US PRESIDENTS CHALLENGE
Thanks, Cheli
(cyderry)
John,
I semed to have a system problem when I try to edit my group. The error message I get is:
Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent in /var/www/html/groups_edit.php on line 509

I hope you are the proper person to contact.

Thanks, Cheli
(cyderry)
I scanned a cover, and I'm trying to upload it... but the uploade is slow and then after about a 60 sec. the screen goes white....and nothing happens... I can click on the "back" button and get back to the my books page i was at...like nothing ever happened. Is it me...is it the size of my photo...is it my computer do you think...or something else?
Hi John

I have the same problem as the previous post... I posted a review to The cellist of Sarajevo by Steven Galloway it it went to the end of my reviews with a date of 1969! On my home page, where the current books show, the book shows that I rated it, but does not say reviewed.... Can this be fixed???? The review date should be April 19, 2009!! Help!!
Thanks!

Louise
Hi John: I posted a review for Mrs. Dalloway. It threw it to the end of my reviews and gave it a date of December 31, 1969. This is remarkable, as the review now precedes the internet. Somehow the review ended up being a Hot Review. When you click on the link, it takes you right into the edit box, so this is Not A Good Thing. HELP! Please and thanks.

The review date should be April 19, 2009.
Tui aka Tiffin
Hi Felius...me again..I just realised THE event that is a 'soul sister' to Library thing is The Librarians and if you check out our website you'll see the creators and scriptwriters are our special guests this year! AA
Hi John D....will also contact you on Facebook...that time of year - festival fever - has come around and I need you to edit the little blurb about Willylitfest which you set up for me in groups. It says '5th' literary festival and of course it is now 6th...!
could you kindly update and also check Facebook for further comment. I've also joined Twitter: 'madmalt' ..Angela
Hi, I am sorry to bother you particularly if I am doing something stupid and since it involves technology then I probably am doing something that will have you rolling your eyes. I just spent the past hour writing my review for The Big Dirt Nap by Rosemary Harris but when I went to check on it there was no review to be found and my profile still only credits me with 3 reviews. I went to the book in my library and clicked to edit and when the screen came up I wrote the (very long)review in the box and clicked save at the bottom when I done. On the recently added area where the book is still showing it stated 'saving' for a while but that is now gone and instead it again says click to review and is a link back to that box. The only thing that is different is the one star rating I gave the book is still showing. Something tells me I will probably end up having to write another review but I don't want to do that until I find out what I did wrong so that it doesn't happen again. Thank you for taking the time to help.
Sorry to bother. The group "the electronic services (From librarians point of view)" comprises a zillion members, none of whom (but one) appears to have any books. This is a new approach to group abuse.
Somehow I managed to avoid that trap. I still have all of my original pirate legos from about 20 years ago and all the first couple years of the star wars legos from 10 years ago... in thier boxes no less (of course they've been opend and played with many times). I'm even pretty sure I have my giant box of genric legos somewhere at my folks house!

Anyway, have fun with the new ones and thanks for all your LT work.
Much admired the Parenting: An Excuse widget you made. I don't have any kids yet, hence I have no such excuse... maybe someday I will be able to justify them!

And I love that you catalogued them also. Nice... :-)
Hi John

There's been a recent mini-outbreak of LT haiku on the topic of "waiting for collections." Since you've contributed some haiku in the past, I thought you might want to join in... Check out this thread and, of course, the LibraryThing Haikus page.

Silent
Either nevermind, or thank you.

I found the old version by backing up in my browser, then made the edit, which slowly saved.
I just deleted a very large tagging of a book when I got impatient when saving an edit. Any chance all y'all can recover the old version? Asks DromJohn sheepishly rather than camelishly.

http://www.librarything.com/work/2629276...
Occasionally pictures disappear from my library. I always put pictures in when I enter books. Five of them are now missing. Do you know what causes this?
sorry john I meant my library page in list format.
saint_paperboy
John,
I am a lifetime member of Librarything. Recently I have noticed that when I view my or anyone elses profile page, the first book is cut off, I therefore cannot sort by stars or see the books. Do you have any suggestions?

saint_paperboy
May library is out of alphbetical order for the 5th time! This is getting very frustrating. What causes this problem? please fix! thank you

Formating doesn't work well either.
Hello,
My name is Kat Black and I have only one book - new with three coming from Scholastic. In my profile another Kat Black's books have been added. Mine is The Book of Tormod, A Templar's Apprentice and I am your author.

The Tarot books are by a woman from Australia. Please remove. All events are correct.
thanks
Kat
I just upgraded my account and now it will not change formats from D or even sort alphabetically. It is worthless to me in this form.

Please let me know how to fix this.

Douglas
I am having continuing problems with my library getting out of alphabetical order. I have reported it before. It is corrected but after a while it happens again. Why does this happen? Is it something that I am doing. I am almost afraid to open it anymore. Please help.
Hi John,

I just upgraded my account for a year and sent a check off this past week; how long before the account 'upgrades' and I can start adding books again?

Thanks for the work you do to make this such a great resource!

eronn
I am trying to order a cuecat to be sent to an international address. The paypal page I get to during the checkout process has a place to add an address, but evidently it only accepts US addresses because it requires a state. HELP! :) How can I get a cuecat shipped to an international address??

Dormmom3
Hi John, I've noticed that my library now begins with the second entry. The first entry has been cut off. The other pages are askew as well. I wonder if you could look into this. Thanks for your help. Priscilla (seoulful).
I prefer not to be a member anymore. Could you delete my profile? Thanks,vshockney
Hi John

Regarding the book sources in Brazil, the current LT sources, including the Portuguese (from Portugal) ones, work fine for famous books, but it's quite disappointing for everything else.

A possible z39.50 Gateway I could find on Google was:

http://catalogos.bn.br/scripts/odwp502k....

bn.br is the National Library. It should be the authoritative source for all Brazilian books information, but if you try to do a search using the "FBN" source, it shows an error "FBN Digital = Banco de Dados inoperante", meaning their database is offline.

On the other hand, the main search form on http://catalogos.bn.br appears to be working, though I'm not sure if it's s z39.50 gateway or not.

Sample query:

http://catalogos.bn.br/scripts/odwp032k....

Let me know if you need help translating the keywords.

- Yves
John

My library is out of alphabetical order AGAIN. Please help
Hi John
We've been to Tassie a few times - it's my favourite state, really, such civilised weather in summer!
This time we're going 'do' Hobart's environs. We've been to the city many times, and will be using it as a base and enjoying the many fine restaurants, but will be checking out the wineries that are a day's easy drive. Naturally I will have a book with me - Halliday's Wine Companion!
I will contact Lindsay and see if the change can be made.
Thanks;)
Lisa
Hello my fellow Australian:) I'm visiting your state this holidays to check out my favourite wineries!

I'm contacting you re my username problem: Now that I've forked out for a lifetime membership, I'd like to change my user name. The change username/password page tells me that the change username function is 'temporarily disabled' *sniffle*

Any chance you can do it for me *hopeful smile* - I'd like to be Lisa Hill instead of gunung so that my friends can find me.
Cheers
Lisa
Hi John,
I'm freaked out! My library disappeared as I was adding books tonight. Please tell me someone can reconstitute it! :(
Bonnie
My library listing is OUT OF alphabetically order again. Why does this happen? Is this something I should be able to correct? HELP!
John,
A Librarything.com question. I have been asked by the local Unitarian Universalist Fellowship to catalog their library on library thing. They bought a subscription under the name of a woman who was planning on doing it....I have those passwords....every time I try to go in and use them, it goes FIRST to MY page and I can only get to the
UU page via a "search" and that doesn't allow me to do any entry or correction of what is already there. I'm a techo-dinosaur, what am I doing wrong?
Thanks!
Allan
John:

I am new to library thing but having a problem downloading covers that I have scanned to my IMAC. Everytime I try to do it (either in a JPEG or PDF format) then I get the message that my file is too big. Can you help out with this matter.

Thanks

Dr Robert Webster
another aussie! hi there from a sydnite.
John-
I am also having a problem with the add books page. I upgraded my membership.... but now have to add manually. Can you help?
Thank you for taking the time to look at my problem with the add books page, and thank you for passing it on. However, the problem is still there, and I know it's not a big deal because there are simple work-arounds, but it's annoying and time-wasting. Is there any fix in the works for this?

Heather
Hey there - nice to meet you. Your library has much overlap with mine - though mine is all mine, not shared, so I clearly have a personality crisis! *grin*
Hey, can you tell me how to export a list of my books from librarything so that I can have it on my computer?

Thanks! Angie
I wanted to thank you for all you do, you don't have to respond to this note, I just had to leave it. :)
Hi Felius, I was hoping to change my user name, but when I go to the relevant edit screen it indicates that this function has been "temporarily disabled", any advice when this function will be available? Regards, Nick
We're developing for Mac and PC. It's very early days and the project is a bit secret but will say more when I can :)
Yes! I saw you have it too :) Was a fun exhibition, huh. But I can imagine it was challenging with a little one in tow. It was research for us, as were making a game ourselves.

Did anything eventuate with the Ellison Hawker inventory files? Would love to see them on here.
Thanks for the interesting library add - you sound a bit like us - the Science Fiction / Fantasy is his and the Crime Fiction is mine :)

Regards Karen C
Hello Felius.
I am able to pull up library thing on my Blackberry (Verizon) but when I enter my name and password, the message that appears is that the information is incorrect. Not so. Is there anything else I need to do in order to get my library list to appear so I won't be in the position of having purchased a second or third copy of a book, as I've done in the past?

Re books we share: Is it you or your wife who is the Jane Austen fan? And why son't you own copies of Mansfield Park and Northanger Abby?

I haven't been on the site for a while and I thank you for all you've done to it. I probably won't use all the bells & whistles, but it's much improved and I'm delighted. Thanks.
Joh, I've stumbled into the Library Thing, looking for someone with some answers on book cataloging software.
My question: I have a library of approximately 3-4,000 books that I want to catalog based on the dewey decimal or Library of Congress or other such respected cataloging system. The software I've Googled is for much larger libraries which need to be able to check books in and out and a whole lot more than what I need. I'm looking for fairly basic library sofware for a home library that will allow me to inventory and organize my books in keeping with standards utilized for much bigger libraries. Do you or any of your friends or acqaintances know the names of software packages or their manufactures that do this
Good Morning,
I had photo's for all of my books. When I logged in today over 50 of them are not there anymore. Can you please tell me what happened? Thanks,
My pictures are gone and I have red x's...help.
Hello there,

I chose you to tell this problem to. :)
I am trying to enter a book (Weird Michigan) and 2 of the covers that are represented on the page are for the book (Weird Wisconsin). The one it automatically applies is for Weird Wisconsin AND, for some reason, it won't let me change the cover to the Weird Michigan option. (ISBN 1402739079)

Thank you,
Pam
Thank You! Columns,icons, now accessible!
Castlegreen
Could you please tell me what the red flag means next to reviews I have written? Thank-you Elaine in Aubrun, Maine
I'm really enjoying the "All Covers" page -- I made some color spectrum-based mosaics that I thought you might want to post on the page (as it says to contact you if we do anything with our covers). I would never take the time to organize my books by color on the shelf, but with software and your covers, it was pretty quick and yields some nice results.

http://flickr.com/photos/redraspus/sets/...

Enjoy! Thanks for all you do here at LibraryThing!
I upgraded my membership for a year but it is not showing so that I can add more than 200 books, can you please help me? Thank you. Judy
Lucy, you've got some splainin' to do:
http://www.librarything.com/work//235011...

It's supposed to be a page about Jenny Wren but the title is The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. hoho

Tiffin
Thanks John. It worked like a charm!

Suzanne
Hi John

I'm unable to add any additional authors to "favorite authors on my profile page. I was able to add three with the help of a friend, but cannot continue to add more. Please advise. Thanks.
We are not able to add any books to our library. Please advice.
G'day, felius. I'm trying to upload books but I'm getting the following error
"Fatal error: Cannot use object of type stdClass as array in /var/www/html/import_richcsv.php on line 12"
I'm using the same file I've used in the past. Any suggestions?
Thanks,
tx-cakes :-)
Test
In Firefox I can't arrange "My Library" by any of the tabs (e.g. "Tags", etc.); it works in IE. I'm using Windows Vista.
Good day. There seems to be a problem with your website. Columns and icons are missing, and the visual isn't normal. Thanks, Stephen (7/24/08, 1:15 Eastern)
Oops! Castlegreen not Castelegreen. Thank you.
Hi Felius
Posted problem on July 13th - how does one hear back from you?
Castelegreen
Hi Felius,

Hope you can help. I would like to change the picture on my home page, but am unable to do so. I did change the picture on my profile page but the home picture remained the same.

Thanks
Hello Felius
Am unable to activate "customize this page" on my home page. "Widgets" and "find Friends" superimposed over other icons but most frustrating - am unable to located icon to activate "author gallery of pics" for my library. Would appreciate any help. Thank you
Castlegreen
Hello Felius,

I was trying to add some books in Chinese through the search engine, and I notice there are very few sources. I'd like to recommend Amazon.cn - http://www.amazon.cn - since you guys seems to like that site very much. Could you please add that to your LibraryThing libraries for Chinese? Thanks a lot.
Thanks for your comment. I have my email address set that way, as before when I used another email address and left it formatted correctly, spam arrived. As the only site where I had used that address was here, I assumed that it was snagged by spammers. I hate spam and if someone really needs to get in touch, they can figure it out or leave a comment as you did.
I submitted my info for a lifetime account, and I'm not sure where it show I have it. Do I, and where does it show show that.
THANK YOU, Jim
Help! My friend picnicgal and I (prop2gether) are having crossed lines. We login as ourselves, get our own libraries, but are shown as logged in as the other party including the profile page!

Help!
I have had some problems today with LibraryThing.com. My friend (prop2gether) and I (picnicgal) both have computers on the same network at our job. Today, when I logged into LibraryThing.com, I was able to access my library, but when I clicked on the tab to add books, I was then logged in as prop2gether! When I clicked on the profile tab I was prop2gether, until I clicked again, and then I was myself (picnicgal). My friend (prop2gether) is having the same issue. She is logged in as herself, yet when she views her library it is actually my library and shows her being logged in as me (picnicgal). I finally logged myself out, closed my browser, deleted my cookies, files and history, and then started from scratch. So far, so good -- I am logged on as me, with my library, profile, add books, etc. However, now my friend (prop2gether) is having the same problems! Can you please let me know what is going on. It is terribly confusing and frustrating to realize that I may have been adding/deleting books to/from my friend's library and vice versa. Plus the login name changing based on whatever tab I press is really weird. I am a big fan of LibraryThing.com and enjoy having a place to catalog all the books I've read. I would appreciate any assistance you can provide.
I don't know who I should contact with my problem. My libray is not in alphabetical order anymore! This first started a couple of weeks ago. How can I fix? Or if you are not the fixer person who should I contact?
Hi,
I was given notice that I have maxed out for a free account but I am using a paid account! UUREbooks. Please contact me to tell me how to proceed
cynthia_bancroft@yahoo.com
Hi. I hope I'm not being too much of a pest. Now the review showed up properly (I actually rewrote it) but now both of my reviews say I wrote them Dec 31, 1969!
Hi again. One more question if you don't mind? How long does it take for a review to show up? I reviewed John Adams this morning and my profile page shows one review but when I click on "see reviews", only the right side of the page loads showing other member's reviews and mine is not there nor does the left side of the page load showing my review. Would appreciate your thoughts. Thanks again!!
Hi. I'm new to LT. Something is bugging me and I was wondering if you could enlighten me. I have to date been unable to find my username listed on anyone's member library list. I have found several examples where I share let's say 30 books with an individual with a relatively small library, as mine is (167). When I go to that person's profile page and click on raw (vs. weighted), it lists books high to low in absolute numbers, correct? I have seen several instances where I think I should be able to see my username listed because let's say the lowest number of books in common is 18 (for example) and I have 30 in common. I'll see other usernames with 30 books in common but never mine. I look forward to hearing your analysis! Thank you so much!
Thanks
Hi John; I'm honored. Keep checking as I have about 800+ more to go. Be patient as I'm learning and it's such a tedious project. Thanks for your help. Sherry
Dear John:

It is quite refreshing to see that you are still joking around in good mood.

Nevertheless and though we have learned that TPTB do not aprreciate Thingamabrarians--LT members, that is--reporting on (serious) trouble, still, you may want and have a look at e.g. Bug collectors : can't add books (/talktopic.php?topic=29975).

Frankly speaking, I think that an increasing number of caring Thingamabrarians are getting the message anyway.

Sincerely yours,

boekerij.
Hi Felius,

Sorry, haven't been on for quite some time now, just saw your comment on I am Legend. I saw the movie and I really enjoyed it, even though it was quite different from the book. I'm not sure about the ending though... I guess I just liked the movie because it was a good movie, not really as an adaptation of the book. The best thing about the book, imo, is the sense of desperate loneliness throughout the book and that wasn't captured in the movie.

I didn't even know there were previous adaptations! Shame on me... ^^

Anyway, tnx for your comment! I love random acts of comment :)
I'm glad you are pleased with your Secret Santa selections; I think they will still be relevant when they finally arrive. The choices were actually my wife's, she being the sci-fi authority in the house. I passed along your thanks.
Hi felius - Thanks for your response - the 12 hour delay was no problem for me, it's just nice to know when someone "hears" you! Have a good weekend! :-)
Marie
Hi felius - YOU DON'T NEED TO READ MY LENGTHY COMMENT BELOW! I e-mailed Tim last night, and he's posted in Talk that he's working on the problem now - so nothing for you to pass on!

I hope you've had a good holiday week...so far, anyway! I am back at work today - a little slow, but SO MUCH BETTER than I was. :-)
Hi Felius - I saw that you'd posted in the Bug Collectors group about 12 hours back, and since I have no idea when Tim will be on, I just wanted to bring your attention to a rather annoying bug. When you select "edit book" and go to the wonderful spiffy new edit page for that book, the primary author's name is listed as "first last" even if it was previously entered "last, first." The main reason this is a PITA is that if you make any other edit and then click "save," it saves your author name as "first last" - and that throws off the author sort in the catalog. I had previously (weeks or months ago) entered Madame Bovary, and when I went in to edit the info a couple nights ago, I didn't do anything to the name. Then when I sorted afterward (and my author display in my catalog is "last, first," and sorted by author like 90% of the time), there he was in the "G" names, Gustave Flaubert.

The reason I wanted to point this out is that there *is* a thread in Bug Collectors, but the original posted thought it was a problem only for new items coming in through LoC, when really it's a larger problem. The thread is:
http://www.librarything.com/talktopic.ph...
and the real heart of the matter begins around message # 6. I should add that I was using IE 7 on Vista at the time, but I think other browsers/OSs are mentioned by others in that thread, so I don't think it's a browser issue.

I saved the first part of this message, then went back to test. It is happening in Firefox (latest version, I think 2.0.0.11) with XP as well. And, I found that the message "Sorting not working" in Bug Collectors is referring to the same thing, AND that the topic "'Other author' field causing an editing bug" MIGHT be related: Chris and his one good arm made a fix related to that post, and a few hours later is when the first post appeared about this issue, apparently incorrectly seeing it as an LoC problem. The original poster's problem might have begun before Chris did his work on the "Other Author" issue, but given the timing, I thought it was a good idea to pass that info along.

Sorry so long. I was sick in bed all day yesterday, am going to try some more fluids & crackers before going BACK to bed - but I must also have been suffering LT withdrawal. ;-) Thanks for any help you can give, and/or for passing on the specifics to Tim when he's available.
I just got my SantaThing last night, so I went and read your comment on the site. Excellent choice! It was only a year or so ago that I happened to acquire Blish's The Devil's Day, as having grown up reading his Trek novelizations, I was curious about his original fiction. I liked Devil's Day all right, so I decided to seek out the other two books in the "After Such Knowledge" sequence. So basically, you got exactly the book I meant when I put "James Blish" down on the list of authors!

I didn't know much about the book, but having read the back cover, I'm sure I'll enjoy it-- not only did I grow up Catholic, I went to a Jesuit high school, so I've always held a certain amount of affection for the Order.

So, all in all-- I was quite pleased to get what I got! Thanks and Merry Christmas!
Hey there, I know it has been a few days since the whole server crash crisis, but somehow I have a feeling that you and the rest of the LT crew are working your rear-ends off to keep it all going great for us. I just wanted to say thanks. Just because it isn't in the spotlight at this moment, doesn't mean we aren't all aware and grateful of all the team is doing to keep us bibliomaniacs content!

Thanks:-)
I am also leaving things to see what happens, someone else has changed it already. I had put in all the related works except 1984 The Encyclopedia of Science Fiction and Fantasy, Vol. 3, which I omitted as I could not identify a vol 3 in LT.
I notice you have changed my hugo award entry for Storyteller.
The reason I entered it the way I did was to group it with other Hugo entries. If we are going to mave separate pages for each different Hugo catagories we had better decide so soon.
There is some discusion on consistant formats in http://www.librarything.com/talktopic.ph...
Would you be interested in selling your Mary Pat Fergus cookbook?
Nice catch on the "need to register" thing. I totally glossed over that when setting it up because I was so gung-ho about making my Macbook Pro post :-)

LT is tough to admin, but it helps to also be a programmer -- so when something weird happens I can go track it down myself!

Thanks for the comment!
Re a review of: http://www.librarything.com/card_card.ph...

I'll see what I can do in the next day or so. I haven't read it all--and I don't want to!--but I should be able to summarize it sufficiently for everyone's amusement. ;)
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